So, tonight Richard and I were in Zen's room, looking out his window (which faces the back yard) and he told me that he really was beginning to see the garden coming together. It felt good. I have been in this place where it just seems like item after item that needs to get done, leaving me carrying the weight of stress and worry on my shoulders. I worry that the beds won't get done, or we won't be able to get soil on time. I worry that for some reason the seedlings will all die, and I will have to buy started plants this Spring. I worry that when everything is built and filled and planted that it will still be a mess. I worry that nothing will grow, or I will have such a slew of problems that we will get almost nothing out of it, and the investment will be for nothing. I worry that if this fails, I will lose one of the first things I felt I ever truly knew about myself.
But in the face of that worry, there is no choice but to move forward. To greet those possibilities for failure and mess, and poor timing with open arms. Maybe they will be afraid of me and flee...
Today, I noticed some of the new bell pepper seeds shooting out roots. I am hoping that means a bunch of new seedlings will follow. I also planted 5 pods of cauliflower which leaves us one to lose. Rosemary also got planted today. I am pretty sure I will need to buy another pack of seeds, as I know the plan calls for large quantities of the major herbs. I am prepared to shift stuff around if I need to, but am trying to stick as closely to the original plan. I feel like the plan is my only margin of control right now.
I am slowly but surely getting the compost pile moved over. It is so frustrating that I find myself avoiding doing it. But I know it will get done.
Today, I planted the bleeding heart by the apple tree. I also bought a honeysuckle, but haven't planted it because I am not sure where I want them to go. Ideas are welcome.
I keep imagining the trees grown in, the lavender along the back fence large and filled in, the nasturtium, morning glories, jasmine, sweet pea, and climbing flowers all over the fence. Hollyhocks guarding the corners. The vegetables filling the beds, and flowers covering the ground everywhere you look. I get especially excited to see everything fruiting or in bloom. I want to learn what their flowers look like, and how to tell by sight and touch when things are ripe. I want to go out in the evening and smell the plants all around me as fireflies flicker.
Maybe the hope and the daydreaming is what gets me through shoveling sod, or tilling in the cold. Not to mention the investment financially. I am still brainstorming ways to regain the money. So far my favorites are arts and craft items and selling produce. I think I could set myself apart by growing unique and heirloom varieties. I have not found a source for them here yet. All in all, the hard part is that before I can market anything, I need to see how much our garden does make, and how much of it we use.
I can't wait until spring. I just can not wait. I doubt I will ever be inside when the weather gets warm.
No comments:
Post a Comment